The Good Thats Not Good Enough

My last post was regarding a question I received on whether I thought people were good.  Once I wrote I received feedback that I was not really expecting.  It made me realize there is a lot of confusion on this topic and that one could go on and on discussing one pandora box after another.  Then I got an amusing thought.  God has a pattern with me.  He really does.  He brings up people or circumstances in my life that really get me digging in his truths again.  It's actually quite loving of him because I get (1) reminded of the delight of what He has shown me through the years and (2) broadened in my continued understand of his character and there is no greater delight.  In fact this morning I was thinking of posting on my facebook status (though I never got around to it) that:

One of the most loving things God can do is remind you that you have not quite learned enough yet about Him.   

The amazing thing is that he has an eternity for us to crave more and more of Him and we will never run out of being delighted in learning his character.  Now think about that for a few seconds and hear your brain explode.

Anyway, back to the response.  I'm going to restate it (and I hope the person does not mind) because it is very well thought out and in many cases very true:

"...it seems if we can't agree on the basic principle that man is sinful and that that sin is complete and there is no good that comes from man or the world at all.  The only good anyone ever experiences comes from the Holy Spirit.  Whether He is in them or someone around them.  Or whether He causes something to come about.  It is never from anything else but Him.  That principle stems from why God requires us to come to Him in the first place.  You can't do ANYTHING good without Him.  Everything you do without Him is evil whether you want it to be or not because you are unable to do good at all.  Once a person realizes this, they understand they NEED God to take control.  Because God is the only way to do anything good at all.  And even when you have the Holy Spirit in you, it's a far cry from what Jesus did as good.  We are so decrepit and broken and lost that there is no possibility, not even remotely that we can bring about anything good on our own."

There was another comment that I will get to on a later post because it dives into yet another topic all together.

There is a lot of good thought here. However, before I dive into responding to it (and as I typed it I was reminded of why I had to sit down to answer and why I believe this post will be long indeed) I'd like to make one thing clear regarding my last post on goodness:

It was not the goodness that leads to salvation.  It does not even touch on salvation yet.  It is just a reflection on the state of man.  

 The reason I was not expecting the response is because I thought that was obvious.  Then I realized that some people have never really gone through these though processes so they may have lumped these together.  In order to address this I will go through the response bit by bit.

"..it seems if we can't agree on the basic principle that man is sinful :"

I do agree with that point.  Goodness was first, then sin came upon humanity.  Yes, man is sinful.  The fact that man can reflect good (originated in God) is merely an element of his being made in the image of God.  When we speak of the "image of God" we mean like him not just in appearance but in characteristics.  God is good, he is just, he is creator, he is personable, relation driven etc.  We are reflections of those things.  Man can be sinful and still have a sense of justice, a passion for it.  That is because we are made in His image.  The creation is scared and marred, not erased all together   It groans for restoration but it is not obliterated.  God's glory shines still in creation and even in the character of man itself.  This is true even of the unsaved, which leads to the next point....

"... sin is complete and there is no good that comes from man or the world at all."

This is partially answered in my answer above but there is more.  Though man is in a state of sin, and the creation is under the curse, there is still good.  If there was not, we would truly be in hell all ready. As Randy says: "Earth is the closest that believers will get to hell, and it is the closest non believers will get to heaven".  I always find that a sobering thought.  This is what I mean when I say even Christians don't realize sometimes how much good is reflected on earth and in people even now.  God's sovereign will holds back evil in so many ways even though we pretty much feel it is rampant.  There is good that comes from man, for He is still made in the image of his creator.  Is this good able to save him?  No.  Yet, one cannot deny that tons of people who don't give a hoot about the saving blood of Christ, have done good things.  Now, that good is still flowing from God himself and this is where I think this person in conversation with me does not realize that we actually agree.  This will become more evident as I respond more.

 "The only good anyone ever experiences comes from the Holy Spirit." 

This is true and yet it is not.  It is true in the sense that "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God".  Jesus is the Word, and he was there at the moment of creation.  The Holy Spirit is the spirit of Christ and the bible says that His very spirit hovered over the waters.  His spirit is the fingerprint of himself in man and in creation.  All good in humanity and on earth has it's origion in God.  HOWEVER, many who do good do not have the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ dwelling and working in them. They may benefit from the blessings of a good God creating them, but that does not mean that Christ is alive in them.  The good that God bestows on man in creation is really a given.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made etc.  The good that we do is only because of His original goodness alive in our reflective image of Him.  YET, (and this is where the difference lies) it is not a good that saves.  It is a given, it's a freebie to speak casually.  It is not a ticket into heaven, and it is not a cleansing from sin.  It is a benefit of creation before God leaves it entirely and his Spirit is departed from sinful man forever.  That is where I think this individual needs to see the difference in these types of goodness.  This goodness is what God calls "filthy rags" when it comes to getting us reunited with God.  Compared to his righteousness, it is nothing and quite frankly, it is both used for his purposes and even at times stemming from our own desire to feel great about ourselves, but that is another blog post all together.

 "Whether He is in them or someone around them."

Now, there is a lot of potential problem in that comment.  Salvation does not work like a good disease.  It does not rub off on other people.  However, I do understand what is meant by this.  The fact though is that God's spirit is in the world still, moving and working and man is benefiting from it's presence as I've all ready stated.  This statement actually highlights the difference in these two "goods".  If it were the goodness of salvation, it could not "rub off" on another, every man is held accountable for his own response or lack there of to Christ and His work.  If it is meant in the goodness that is in creation and reflected as image bearers, then yes, it is in others on many different levels.

" Or whether He causes something to come about.  It is never from anything else but Him. "

Not much to say here, I agree with that.  I have all ready stated that even the basic goodness of God's character reflected in creation and humanity has it's source in God alone.

"That principle stems from why God requires us to come to Him in the first place."

Not necessarily.  God does not require us to come to Him so we can do good.  He requires it so that our sin may be removed by the work of His son, Jesus Christ.  So that we can fellowship and have a relationship once again with the Father (which will produce good works out of a responding love not just as a reflection of the creator alone). Yet, this thought and response will be completed as I move to the next line:


"You can't do ANYTHING good without Him."

Ah, here is where they split again into a true yet not true statement.  Can the unsaved do good things?  Yes.  Though even they are unaware that their good comes from the image of their creator.  They also may fail to realize that their good is being performed out of selfish motives (again...another post).  Is there good however of any value to God?  No, not toward salvation and certainly not allowing relationship with God.  It is however accomplishing the purposes of His will on the earth.  So, perhaps a better way to so say this (and feel free anyone with more thoughts to chime in on comments) is that we can do nothing good to help our, or bring about our salvation.  "For without me, you can do nothing"

"Everything you do without Him is evil whether you want it to be or not because you are unable to do good at all." 

Once again we are saying the same thing though it appears different.  The difference is in the fact that both the saved and the unsaved reflect the good of their creator.  Both bring glory to God because he orchestrates both.  He uses unsaved people to accomplish His purposes in the story of humanity.  The source of anything good them do is STILL HIMSELF.  Yet, they may not have accepted His gift of salvation.  The fact is, nothing can really be done without God being as the author of it all.  This is the great mystery of the sovereignty of God through out all the good and bad in the story of man.  SOOOO many more posts on that could be written and I highly suggest anyone curious about the topic read Randy Alcorn's "If God Is Good" book.  It helped me so much.
So, if a man who does not accept the gospel of Christ, repent and be saved, throws himself in front of a bus to save another man is that evil of him?  Is he doing evil?  No he is doing good because he reflects the image of his creator.  Is he saved, sadly  no.  The unsaved are certainly able to do good, again, they just don't realize the source of their goodness.

"Once a person realizes this, they understand they NEED God to take control."

Yes, this is true in the salvation sense.  Yet more specifically what people need to realize is that the good they do does not save them.  The fact that most people do not realize this about their own goodness is what keeps them from realizing they need God.  In fact, this somewhat proves my point.  The very fact that people are capable of good makes them think they don't need God.  They just hope their scales tip toward good in the end.  It's not that the good they did was in fact evil (though in some cases it may very well be like giving to charity for the sake of pride or so on) it's that their good is not good enough to save their souls.  Only Christ's work can do that and that is what they need to realize.  Most people are not wanting God so that they can perform more good.  They do not look at him and say "oh, I need you to take control so I can do better"  if they do they are coming to God for the wrong reason anyway.  If this were true, Christians would be producing nothing but good works also and we all know that isn't true.  (I apologize for the real rabbit trail nature of this topic and my writing because the fact is, one thought leads right into one million others, all valid but making it so hard to stay on point.)

" Because God is the only way to do anything good at all."

If by this you mean that all good comes from God, then yes, absolutely   Yet God himself calls the goodness of man filthy rags when compared ( and noting that there is a comparison is important because we like to compare it to pure evil and call it good, God compares it to His perfect righteousness) to Himself.  Again, it's goodness reflective of Him, but not producing salvation.  Anything more would be redundant here.

  "And even when you have the Holy Spirit in you, it's a far cry from what Jesus did as good."

When you have the Holy Spirit in you, it IS what Jesus is doing as good.  You are however, still in the sinful flesh, walking in a sinful world.  Jesus was sinless, we are not sinless.  We are saved from our sin, but we are not without sin and opportunity to sin.  The bible does however state that a true believer will be unable to continue on and on in a state of sin because of the Holy Spirit.  That span of time may however vary.  Oh, boy, streaming into another topic again.


" We are so decrepit and broken and lost that there is no possibility, not even remotely that we can bring about anything good on our own."  

It's very true, we are decrepit and broken.  However we are able to produce good in the world.  That is self evident.  This good does not save us though so we can do nothing to save us.  Also again, even the good we do outside of salvation is sourced in God and used by Him for his purposes.

So, I thought they were some very good thoughts.  It's honestly a real brain bender, the whole thing is.  We have to remember that if the world was void of the goodness of God in creation and even in humanity, this would be hell.  It will be that way one day very sadly.  In fact, understanding even remotely what removing the Spirit of God from the earth and humanity would be like is in when we finally start to get what hell really will be.  Alcorn talks a lot about this in his book as well. So, though we reap and reflect from His goodness, it is not the goodness that is enough to save us.  Christ is the only good that is good enough.

I hope that makes sense and I hope it helps.  The fact is, God says man's good does not please him.  This makes sense when we realize that our goodness is just a reflection of Himself in us.  Why should he be impressed with something coming from him reflecting back to him?  That takes nothing from us.  What he wants is for us to choose to trust the work of His son, when we didn't have to.  It comes back to not being "Stepford Wives".  We will spontaneously be good because we are made in the image of God.  We will sin because we are under the curse of the fall.  These come as a given.  What is not a given is the choice we will make regarding the work of the Son.

Do You Believe People Are Good?

I was asked this question recently.  I was told it was a simple question, begging a yes or no answer.  I stated that it really isn't.  Immediately the words starting reeling around in my mind as to why that was and of course, I had to come and write.  Unfortunately I wrote half the post and lost it a week or so ago and became deflated to start again.  Yet here I am. 

I want to say first that most Christians would have an obvious answer: "For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God" etc.  However, that does not answer this question believe it or not because that is saying that man is sinful, it is not addressing his goodness.  Besides, I'm really never into the obvious answers lol.

To get an idea of the complexity of this question and it's answer let me tell you something on the side.  If I were asked "Are your children good?"  what would my answer be?  I know my children can do good and are very capable of it so I could answer "yes".  However, I also know my children can be bad and are capable of bad, so I could say "no".  Since I love my children and hold out affectionate hope for them, I would never define them however as bad.  We feel the same for our own humanity.  Do you see why the answer is not simple?

When I was a teen, I loved the book "The Diary of Anne Frank"  and I enjoyed the old black and white movie as well.  At the end of the movie though, Anne says something that really irritated me even as a teenager.  As the sirens were going off and they became aware that the trucks were stopping right in front of the home they were hiding in, she states to Peter that she believes man is truly good at heart.  I always want to scream at that part!  Growing up in a Christian home the words came to my mind "No, evil!  Sinners!  You are so wrong!"  Yet, there is part of Anne's annoying words that are true.  I will get back to what that sense really was that she had.  You may even come to it yourself as I continue. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a fan of Randy Alcorn, in a big way.  In Randy's book "If God Is Good", I learned a new concept that I'd never considered before.  That goodness, was proof of God Himself.  Many atheists will say that evil is proof that there is no God but Randy points out that they have no answer to the source of goodness either. 

"We have no logical reason to take good for granted; it's existence demands explanation." 

He goes on to say that the fact that we don't question good's existence affirms we consider good the norm and evil the exception.  So when we see bad things happen, it's news because for the most part, evil is not the norm.  "Our shock at evil testifies to the predominance of good." 
"Some of the world's goodness can be described only as supernatural, since from a naturalistic viewpoint we should all ruthlessly step on one another to survive."

From here our thoughts should take us back to the beginning when God created and He himself called it "good".  At that moment, like a Father, God looked at man and He Himself defined Him as good.  We are fortunate and live in more blessing than we realize when we notice that predominately there is still more good in this world than evil and there is still more good in man than evil. As Randy states: "Yes, there are truckloads of evil, but there are also boatloads of good."
 However, we have to note the predominate fact here that:

Goodness has it's source in God himself and without Him, there is no explanation that fits it's existence.

"Without God, the world would be amoral, with no objective goodness or evil. 
Where does goodness come from?  How could it come from nothing?  Why would people have such a strong sense of right and wrong?  Why would the powerful sometimes sacrifice their lives to save the weak, handicapped, and dying?"
"Evolution can explain greed, selfishness, insensitivity, survival-preoccupation, and even a certain amount of ruthlessness; but does anything in the blind evolutionary process explain demonstrating kindness, putting other people first and even risking your life to help a stranger?" 
"What should surprise atheists is not that powerful people crush those weaker than themselves- that would be entirely natural.  The surprise is that powerful people would sacrifice their welfare to aid the weak." 

So, though Alcorn is talking more along the lines of goodness proving the existence of God, I think it adds to this discussion because we are so quick as even Christians to forget the dominance of good in the world and in people.  There are plenty of people who don't have a single inclination to follow God who do amazingly good things.  They may even lay down their very lives. 

Therefore, I believe what Anne was feeling at that moment was a hope that things were not settled yet.  They was something innate in her telling her this was not as it ought to be. Man was made good and he is capable now of evil.  She was linking back to the very intentions of God to make things right.  We were created for good and all things beautiful.  She was picking up on that and quite frankly, it was the very evil she was experiencing from man that was causing a contrast analysis in her mind leading to the truthful conclusion that man was meant for good.  He was not as he aught to be. 

We cannot ignore that fact though that man cannot possibly be defined as good on the whole.  If the definition is to be complete, no, man is not good.  My children are not good.  Is man bad?  Are my children bad?  See, that is not true either.  Both realities must be recognized together to answer this question.  Man was meant to be good, sin has tainted him.  To say that man is sinful is incomplete though because even in a state of sin, man can have amazingly strong characteristics of good!  So when we say that alone we miss the optimism of the very reflection of our Creator in humanity to this day.  Is your head spinning yet?

Therefore, in conclusion I answer the question of "Do you think people are good?" with this:  People are intended to be good.  They are made for good, and they were declared good by God himself.  They are incredibly capable of good, and they reflect goodness every day.  This is reality, as it is with my children and I should of course acknowledge this in them.  The other reality I have to recognize is their need for a savior.  For, they are indeed goodness that has been tainted.  The very fact that they can be bad and reflect evil, is also a reality I have to recognize (and thank God for the solution!).  It's the same with humanity.  I cannot stick my head in the sand and say man is good, not realizing that his goodness is marred and scared.  I also should not label him as bad, for he was made good and that is a great awe producing thing. 

Or shorter still:
Do you believe people are good?  Yes
Do you believe people are bad?  Yes
Does this answer the question?  No
What does?  The original intent of man.
Which was?  Good
What happened?  Sin
How can it be fixed?  Faith in the work of Christ.


Or simpler still:

If we were to take a great painting, say a lovely Renoir who I happen to adore, and we were to dash black paint in a few strides over it.  Fist of all we would be devastated.  We would have such a strong feeling of wrong, of destruction.  As we looked at that painting would we now say it was good?  Yes.  Why?  How?  Because we know what it was!  We know how it was intended.  Is it still good?  Well, sadly no!  Yet, we hold out such conviction that it is, because we are aware of what it really is under there!  What is bad is the black stain!  The marks that ruined such greatness.  To say that it was good still would be to not only ignore the problem with it, but to deminish it's origional excellence as well. 
It's as simple as that. 
Thank God he has a way to restore what has been lost. 

No one is more convicted of the perfection of His masterpiece than God Himself, and therefore, no one is more passionate to see it's coming restoration.

I Just Don't Get It- A Thinking Post

NOTE: My thinking posts are based on my world view as a Christian.  More specifically, a believer in the redeeming work of Christ Jesus, his death and more importantly his resurrection.  This is important to note when reading these posts.  

I am convinced that I walk around oblivious to God's love for me.  I've been frustrated lately that my mind is like stone sometimes.  I feel numb, busy, distracted, and I hate that.  My mind falls into traps of emotional responses to people and over dissections of what they do or say.  This is a downward spiraling of doubt and frustration with myself ending with a state of great frustration on many levels from the simple to the complex.  From what I think to what I can't seem to get done.

I need my heart to explode.  I'm reminded that I'm indeed NOT oblivious to God's love.  That is not possible as the Holy Spirit is alive in me and making that known to me.  I do think that my physical brain forgets.  I also think I have a hard time wrapping my head around God's love for me.  The reason I know that I'm struggling in this area are because of the results in my behaviors and thoughts.

I truly believe that all responses to God, true responses (not responses to save our own skin, or responses of fear of flames), are grounded on capturing truths of His love for us.  I believe that when given the understanding (though this sounds complete and whole it's actually an on going understanding process that comes and goes) of God's love would compel a person to respond to Him fully.  It would compel such amazing acts of genuine faith and sacrifice, it would change anyone.

My problem is, the lingo doesn't work for me anymore.  The "Jesus loves me" phase is shallow.  I know that God's love is so massive and deep and I know it's far beyond the phrases of a Sunday school song, that I am overwhelmed as to how to "get it".  I'm lost as to how my brain can contain such greatness.  I know that "getting it" would change me in every way.  I just feel lost to absorb it.

Sometimes, as a believer, we are encouraged to start our day praying God's will for the day.  This is rightly so.  I feel so done with that though!  It's just not feeling like enough.  I feel like I'm not getting it.  I feel like I'm not understanding something that I've known the lingo on for years.  I know the facts, I am overwhelmed to absorb their meaning and application.  For truly, if I got this whole thing better, it would show more.  I feel if I "got" God's love for me, I would hardly have to ask his will for the day!  It would be a passionate response, it would be breathing!  Beyond the things I've always known (wrapped up in a sometimes twisted mess of human understanding, prone to prideful tainting and mens interpretations), is a REALITY.  I'm a realist, I seek that reality, I long for it.

In my mind, I am not a Christian for the sake of choosing a religion.  I am not one for the fear of saving my skin.  I'm not one for a formula of rules that make me look good or make my life appear so swell.  I am one because the reality around me presses me to be so.  I am one because the God has opened my eyes to this reality.  Once it's seen, there is no going back.  My problem is I can't seem to focus my eyes to see it clearly.  Perhaps it's me, that I'm not concentrating.  Perhaps it's just my finite mind, taking it all in from the vantage point of a kid on a merry go round, I don't know.  I do know that it's simplified my desire and my prayer.

Forget the religious mumbo jumbo I would say in a morning to have a great "christian day".  Screw that... LORD....

Help me GET IT.
Just that.

For I know, it's the one thing you helped me do from moment one, and it's what you can do to change every fiber of my humanity.  I don't want to be a good religious person, I want YOU.  I want to GET YOU.  I want to GET your love for me.  I don't want to miss out.

For in every little moment I get you, I feel my heart explode.  I can't help but worship you.  I can't help but hurt for the lost, to cry for the hurting, to feel compassion for those in darkness.  I can't help but want to love them.  I can't help but marvel at everything reflecting you.  It's a phase of euphoria my mind really can't seem to contain for too long.  I sure wish I could maintain it.  I wish I could ...

GET IT...and stay GETTING IT....

Why We Don't Homeschool

We've had this topic come up with some new people we have been meeting lately and I realized it would be good to post about.  Those who have known me for a while all ready know a lot of these details but I think it may be new to others.  There is a very long story of how God called us to put our kids in public school, I won't be telling that story again (I hear some of you saying "whew!").  It was a great story in our journey but it is long.   The purpose here is to tell some very practical reasons that honestly I could not even see at the time of His guiding us.  He could though!

I do want to preface this by saying two main things:  One, is that I highly support homeschooling.  It has it's positives and it's negatives, as does public school, but on the whole it is a wonderful option for many.  I want to be supportive of my homeschooling friends by acknowledging all they do and doing what I can to encourage them if I'm given the opportunity.  Secondly, I do believe that homeschooling is pushed as the "godly" way to proceed with Christian families and public school is characterized as selfish for the parents and damaging for the children.  This is somewhat of an unspoken conversation because I think if many came out and said, "It's more godly to homeschool", they would be shocked at themselves.  God is not in a box, he is using all of his people everywhere in many ways.   He will over expose and underexpose children for the armor they will need in the path He has for them.  I don't think some women, or even some Christian couples give themselves the freedom to realize this is an option for them anymore.  I know I didn't.  Public school was a bad word and an evil monster to me before. 

Here are the main reasons we don't homeschool, and I've put them in order of importance: 

• God called us - Even though I won't get into the details, it is very true.  He called us into it vividly when our eldest was in kindergarten, and he called us out of it vividly at the end of her 4th grade year.  Does God do that?  Well, all I can say is what I know and that is that He did for us. To keep homeschooling would have been us not following His lead.
• I secretly thought it made me more righteous-  That makes me cringe to even write, but I did.  I may be one of the few women in the Christian community who struggled with that, or dare admit it, but it did.  I thought I looked better in eyes of God by homeschooling.  Furthermore, I thought He was obligated to give me a good return on my sacrifices and the end result had to be good Christian kids. 
• My marriage was being put second-  This is not biblical.  I was so exhausted from all the work of the house, the schooling, the socializing efforts etc, I had very little energy or time for my husband.  Not every one has this issue, but I sure did and I was putting the kids over my husband.  I would spend time after they all got to bed, getting ready for the next day's schooling and had no time for him.  I found it interesting at our recent marriage retreat, the speaker said that his biggest group of threatened marriages came from families who homeschooled and now had an empty nest.  That was where I was headed.  Thank you LORD for seeing that!  This does not mean that it will be that way for all couples, but it is a red flag I was ignoring.
• Our children needed outside prodding-  God knew this and we did not at the time.  We had no idea how much our kids would blossom once we put them in school.  I'd like to break down now into each child and tell how it was His best for them: 

1. Our Eldest- She was an easy child to school, the academic.  However, she had developed this sense that the world revolved around her and had no social or authoritative pressures to show her some reality on how this was so not true.  For her, the atmosphere at home fed this problem.  She was not getting challenged by the opinions of others, so hers was supreme.  She was not getting challenged by having to change and adapt to a team, and her agenda reigned.  It's not that I was giving into her at every turn, it was that she was at home so of course the schedule catered to her.  Her brother and sister did whatever she said so of course she had the last word....are you getting the idea?  She was the perfectionist who had to also learn that in reality, you won't be able to complete everything perfectly.  You do the best with the time you have.  Socially, she had to learn that not everyone was going to do or play what she wanted.  
2. Our Middle- Oh, God had big things in mind for her.  She hated school at home with me.  She was in the shadow of a sister who was reading "The Chronicles of Narnia" in kindergarten and had convinced her self she was therefore stupid.  She was bored with worksheets and I had little time for travel or the kind of hands on, mess making learning she loved.  I had her older sister's lessons to do, and her little preschool brother to keep up with.  She was just a home school to do list and she knew it.  Once she entered school, she was amazed at how smart she was because she was in a room with kids her own age!  She loved having a teacher and meeting the challenges of leading in the classroom. She loved that the schedule was all for her the whole school day.  She did not have to go be busy till I could tend to her schooling.  She thrives on group feed back and had no opportunity for this at home.  It was amazing how she blossomed.   
3. Our Third-  The only boy, he has never officially been home-schooled.  He struggles so  much with  structure of any kind and since the only one he knows is school, he dreams of homeschooling.  He has some fantasy idea that it means you get to play Lego's all day.  He needed to be out of the house of girls, and motivated more to get moving.  He is very much the timid boy in some respects.  He is not a wimp, but fits the baby of the family role well.  We are always having to challenge him to stop wining and get going.  School does that for him.  It also gives him time with other boys to be out from the "skirts" at home.  It holds him accountable to a standard of behavior where you cannot wiggle all day if you want to.  He is however, perhaps the one child who I've struggled with the most having in school.  Boys don't do well with that structure.  There have been times when we have prayed about him coming home but God has always encouraged us that this is good for him to learn.  He may get by on the skin of his teeth, and not bringing home all the perfect student awards his sisters are, but he is learning some great skills of hanging in there and being attentive. 

• I needed to grow in my faith-   Faith in God, not myself.   I was holding on too tightly to my own formulas working for me and trying to work out something that the Lord did not have for me.  I was more determined to make good children if it killed me, than I was to trust the God who gave them to me.  Somewhere along the line from being called to homeschool, and struggling with it, I developed wrong motives to keep going.  I honestly did not give myself the option of not doing it anymore, I felt it was just sinful.  I'm very thankful God showed me I was wrong.  He had to show me my heart before I realized this though.  He had to show me my heart motives for having them home and they were not good.  I wanted trained monkeys who would make me proud, he wanted kingdom workers prepared for what He wanted of them.  When it came down to it, all my reasons to keep them home were fear driven. 
• We were not a team-  Helping me in any way, either with planning or follow through, has never been my husbands gift.  I really think that the best homeschool families are the ones who's couples are on the same page and work together in some fashion.  Quite honestly, I think my husband would have been better at homeschooling the children than me.  He is the academic, but he has to have a job so that was not an option. Doing anything regarding homeschooling on top of work was never something that happened for us.  
• We didn't have the ideal setting-  Now, I realize you can homeschool, anywhere and succeed if you are called to but for us, our situation was not ideal.  We live in a small modular park with a small yard not allowing much room for play.  We are not somewhere where we can let our children roam safely either.  We also live 15-30 minutes from most of the homeschool activities or social gatherings.  It became way to hard to get them out enough, even outside.  I did not want to have kids who were locked in with tv screens and dying of boredom just to have them homeschooled.  
• I was becoming a bad mom-  At the end of the school day I did not want to talk to my kids.  I felt like I was showing them the hand the rest of the day.  I was spent!  I could not just be mom and chat, or be all cute and bake cookies.  Getting through the work was all I could do.  I spent many afternoons hiding in my room telling them to stay busy.  I realized that this one big hat was making me hate being a mom.  It broke my heart when I realized that I was robing them of a mom being so determined to be their teacher.  

So, I share all this to say that we all have to be open to what God has for us, as well as what he has for each child.  I have not closed the door, I have learned not to close doors anymore.  Right now these are the reasons we DON'T homeschool.  God could give us other ones any moment for going back into it for one of our kids.  He could do anything.  He should be heard, and I should not be afraid.  I have no idea what God is preparing my kids for through school.  I do know for me it's quite simple now (though it use to not be) that this is not for us right now.  

Whatever we do, I remember what a wise woman told me, we are still and always will be our children s teachers.  We are their disciple-rs.  Whether they sit in a desk at a school, or the table in our dining room, we are teaching them.  The bible says women are to be in the home teaching their children.  "Teacher's at home" it says in Titus.  This is a priority, but no where does it say what exactly we are to teach them as far as academics go.  It does say for us to teach them God's ways, his workings in history and our own lives.  What he has each of us teach beyond that may vary.  I just want to encourage others to listen to Him and follow His leading.  

More than anything, if you are struggling, or hurting, or feeling like you are a looser in this area.  Tell God that, and don't try to be what men tell you you should be, even Christian men.  Talk to your husband, get council and above all BE HONEST with yourself and God.  Being open to His will may not look like you thought it would look.  It may mean that you carry on in a different way, or with different motives.  It may mean that you choose other options. 

I read something back then that amazed me.  It amazed me how narrow my thinking and view of God had become it was this: 

 We want God to stay in schools, but we want all Christian kids out.

I wonder what He wants.....  

It's just something to think about......

Curses Don't Just Come In Four Letters

I heard in a sermon once that if a Christian uses four letter words, they are not saved.  I disagree.  I think we really put too much stock in our cultural emotional reaction to words.  On the other hand, I also think some believers are way too relaxed in this area as well.

I enjoyed what Randy Alcorn had to say on it today from a link on his Facebook, and there were a lot of great verses he had there.  It was funny to me though, as I read through what he was getting ready to refer to, another man's post on profanity, and I was starting to feel all bad for some things I've liked that have language in them.  OH, or worse, when I actually find the language fits and is funny!!! (Oh, SOO unholy of me!)   THEN the guy says he was referring to the movie "The Hangover" and how friends had said how great it was, blah, blah, blah...
WELL!
If we are using that movie as a baseline...um yeah, I feel better.  I hated the movie.  I laughed rarely and found it a huge waste of my time and sense of humor.  I agree with Randy though, you cannot take people's word on movies for the most part.  At least not if you are going to sit down with your kids and let them watch it with you for the first view.  I also wondered to myself why the title of the movie was not a clue in and of itself to this guy as he says he was researching whether it was a good family movie...um...ha,ha..hello!?  HANGOVER might be a clue!
 I had a friend over to bring her son to Caedmon's birthday party the other day and I asked if he was allowed to watch the original "Men In Black".  My kids love those movies.  She said she did not think so because the movie had some language.  I responded that for us, it was a common conversation issue since they hear it at school anyway (her kids are home schooled, and heavens, I say that only for context people).  She kind of gave me a funny look, not a bad one, just a funny one.  First of all, I want to say that our policy, and our teaching to our kids, is that we respect other people's convictions for their children and we don't play or watch music or movies that they are uncomfortable with.  No matter what we think of their decisions.  We don't seek to offend people, and THAT really is my guide line on this issue.  Still, the reason I said that to her was because I don't believe keeping their virgin ears is as important as discussing the heart of the matter.

In our home, we don't want to curse eachother.  There are many ways to curse eachother.  The bible tells us not to speak curses against one another.  So, it's not really the word choices but the heart attitude.  My child can say all manner of accepted language and be cursing me or his or her sibling, or their teacher at school etc.  So here are my main points:

• It's not the word, it's the sinful heart-  We are too easily shocked by some words and not by others.  We need to NOT SPEAK CURSES, in any form.  We should be more shocked by heart attitudes than we are.
• Profane language oozes pride and malice-  In my mind, no language should be wasted.  So many times, I have heard people using language every other word that means NOTHING.  It's goal is to give the one hearing a sense of greatness, or intimidation from the one speaking.  What you are basically saying is a lot of exaggerated adjectives about your self or what is happening to you.  Basically, over usage of profane language is just a DRAMA QUEEN under cover.   
• It has it's place-  WHAT?   Did I really say that????  Yes, I did.  There are times when I truly believe that certain culturally unacceptable words are completely appropriate in context.  IF they don't come with attitude (pride, dissension, accusation, malice, anger etc).  When would this be applicable?  I have a good example.  I was asking Victoria to do a bunch of things one evening and she was trying to tell me she needed a break.  I was not being very sensitive and went on saying "well, this and this and this!"  She looked at me and very calmly said "Mommy, I had a very sh**y day."  She fought back some tears as she said it.  Now, at first I was tempted to get on her for her use of language.  The only reason though was because of my legalistic pride.  She was using it without attitude (and trust me, I can tell), as a descriptive adjective that her day was congruent with poop i.e. VERY BAD, and quite honestly, the communication adjective was effective as I suddenly knew she was not doing well.  Yes, I really believe that is a perfectly fine place for my child to use language. In fact, I was glad she felt she could use it to me.   Mind you, those times are RARE!  Be warned, my children! :)  There are times that women are behaving in such a way that referring to them as a "B**ch" is completely descriptive.  If I need to see a teeth-bared snarling dog in my mind, so be it!  I say again, these times are RARE.....please remember that, because these words are most commonly used with sinful motives.
• It is only for use in our home- I don't let them use these words (frankly, the instance above is really the only time they have used them as yet) in public.  Really I speak in future tense, I won't let them because we have not even faced this much yet. The reason is the same for why we are careful of what music we play, and movies we watch when company is over.  The goal is not to offend.  This is not about putting on a face of perfect Christian behavior in front of people either, we DON'T want to teach that at all!  It is about thinking of others.  
• F*boms NEVER acceptable- For one good reason, it's making sick what God created beautiful.  I don't like to hear it, I don't use it in conversation.  S*x is over-spoken, under-valued, and under-respected in our culture enough as is.  I mean, let's go back to our common sense reasons to use or not to use.  If we agree that some words are correct in context, when is this acceptable?  If it is, I don't want to hear about it!  Know what I'm saying here? Yeah, keep that to yourself where it belongs okay ??? :)   I dare anyone to say "I copulated with..." instead of the F*bomb every time... now that would be a shocking conversation to hear!  It's a simple case of throwing language around wrong.  IT's purpose is SHOCK VALUE, pure and simple.  To make an emotional impression once again on the hearer, that usually lacks substance in reality.   It would be just as stupid as saying "refrigerator!" in between conversation of heightened description or anger.  You really are looking just as idiotic in my mind.  If you can't say what you are saying well, you are doing it no better with a word out of context.  You may as well grunt angrily and loud (or add a splash of beating your breasts) in between and show yourself for the true animal you are. SO, yes, biblically I think this is the one word that is always "dirty"  but truly, outside of my conviction and into just common sense, it is a hollow expressive grunt. 

This is not a case of holy-er-than-thou however.  We will fail in our cursing to each other whether we use a four letter word or not.  I'm just saying, we should be more concerned with the heart attitude flowing out of our mouths than merely the word choices.  Culture conditions us, and though I agree we don't want to be desensitized to the language, we should be more concerned about being desensitized to our own selfishness and sin.  We should not boast to the world that we are so much better because we don't use language.  We should not dare to think that makes us better.  Cursing can come in different alphabetical packages.  I do think because, like the verse says, we are now children of the light we should be very careful in our usage of any language.  People should see a difference in our lack of sinful speech in any form. The four letter formula is not enough, and the soap in the mouth hides the stench of the heart.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.....

Weird Realization About Jesus....Quite Random Actually

I keep having these quite brief thoughts. Too long for Facebook and thankfully too short for my former way if blogging. I don't have time to blog much and I don't have a computer at the moment so when I saw that Blogger had an app this became possible.
Diving in.....
Something interesting occurred to me the other day: Jesus never wrote, or if he did, it is never recorded that he did (except perhaps when he knelt and started to write in the dirt when they brought Him the adulterous woman) and none of it survived (we are not even told what he wrote in the ground!).
I found the thought when sailing through my own musings on loving to write and thinking what Jesus would have written about. Then it hit me, he never did! I don't know why I never noticed it before.
I mean, really, many people accept Jesus as deity but they reject the bible as man's deal. I do believe Jesus made a point of this request for faith.
Could he not have easily kept journals!!!? One would think being the most important person in human history, he certainly would have! Why did God not have that on his mission statement? "Now, once you're mortal, document daily so we can prove to everyone what you said and did!" On a humorous note, can you imagine how that would have read? "Messiah's Log: 10th day of the seventh month, 15 AD."
Well, to me it says a lot once I realized it. It says that He did not worry about how his words and actions would be further remembered, he was busy with DOING his Father's business. He did not need to toot his own horn as we would say now.
However, more powerfully, God meant for the writing to be a miraculous inspiration through men as the rest of the bible was. This takes greater faith and humility on our part.
Quite honestly, I've not decided what all it initials. I just find it somehow fascinating that Jesus didn't leave a scrap of writing in his own hand or voice. That is some purposeful plan for certain.
Don't you think?
In all other religions, are there not recorded writings of their founders? I'm not sure but I think that may be so.